Ending an era of work
Kat Lerue - May 1st, 2008We have come to the end of another illustrious semester.
It seems like yesterday was January, even though now it is May and we’re about to bid a fond farewell to school, if only for a few months.
The end of the semester always feels a little bittersweet to me, because, well, it’s over. You can’t go back, but you do get to look forward to the future.
School isn’t the only thing I am through with for a while.
I recently quit the off-campus job I had been working at for the past two years. I worked in a fine dining restaurant and had worked there since just before I graduated high school. Quitting my culinary aspirations was one of the hardest decisions I had made in a long time.
I loved that job. I loved coming in a few days a week and chopping mass amounts of vegetables, even washing all those dirty dishes.
I even made sacrifices for that job.
Last spring I missed watching two of my best friends graduate from high school, and, as my sister can tell you, much to her chagrin, I missed my family’s Christmas Eve party. And New Year’s. And Easter. And Thanksgiving.
But at the end of all those long, stressful shifts, I felt like it was really worth it because I had accomplished something. It felt good to go to bed with a sore back, and to get up the next day and do it again. I also felt like I was part of something unique and exciting. I felt like a badass.
What I realized this spring, as college tightened its noose, was that I had derived much of my post-high school identity from that job. But I also realized that job just wasn’t who I was anymore.
When I started at NAU, things felt pretty easy. I was able to commit fully to both my classes and the restaurant. There were times, even, where I choose my part-time job over school.
But now, two years and a bunch of grease burns later, I found myself having to choose between the two. It wasn’t just that school had gotten more challenging, but that it had gotten more exciting. I was finally investing myself in the stuff I had been passionate about before and during my employment. It became a matter of commitment, which, of course, is always a matter of time.
So I made yet another sacrifice: I quit my job, even though I loved it.
What was I going to do now? Who was I going to be now that that time in my life was concluded? I remember this was just one more thing that would make me who I was in a the long run. I was moving on to, let’s say, a new course. Sort of like I had munched on the appetizer, devoured the salad, and consumed the soup. Now, I was ready for the main course.
I’m not the same person I was when I started my job, but I am similar.
People do change. I consider this is a testament of my food industry savvy, of people as being wonderfully layered cakes. We have so much underneath our frosting. Our experiences are the ingredients that make us who we are. And we never really stop cooking, either. You can still taste those experiences even when they are over and gone.
Life would not be as much fun if there weren’t so many opportunities to change and create your identity. I doubt I’ll be perfectly finished, but I’m not aiming to be finished. I am aiming to learn.
I know that even though I’ve left my job behind it will always be a part of who I am. I learned a lot about my own strengths and my ability to balance different aspects of my life.
And just as I have left my job behind, I am leaving this semester behind too. I suspect, however, that I am not quite the same person I was back in January.
I am similar, but I have also changed.
And I also look forward to the future, whatever it tastes like.